The Way It Was
by PraksCellist
Summary: Here's a sneak peak! "She hated him. He loved her. that's the way it was from the start, but one day it all changed..." well thats just a bit. and here's some more that might actually get you interested. " "Have to do what, James?" he didn't answer, "What do you have to do!" she yelled out. "Answer me James Alexander Potter!" "Crucio," he whispered. " Now please leave a review:D
1. Prologue

_**Prologue:  
**_She hated him.  
He loved her.  
That's the way it was from the start, but one day it all changed. James Potter had tried (in vain) all summer to deny that he was in love with her. Lily Evans, that is. He knew that he LIKED the poor girl (she had been bombarded with so many requests for a date, from the same guy no less) but he would not, COULD NOT, admit he was so completely in love with the girl. The Marauder was afraid of real, honest commitment. Sure, he had liked the same girl for nearly seven years, but he did not want to admit to real, honest love.

Now, on the subject of Lily... She was another matter entirely. She up and HATED the boy that had only ever adored her. Not Snape of course, this is the story of James. To Lily Evans, James Potter was an arrogant toe-rag, as Lily herself exclaimed. Up until that one day.

It was summer and Lily just HAD TO get out of her muggle house. She went to her usual apparition spot and apparated right into Diagon Ally. She was browsing the broom store with no real reason (that she consciously acknowledged). Lily was not one for flying. But James Potter was. And he just happened to be in the same store at the same time, on the same day. They bumped into each other as Lily made to exit and James made to pay for something he was holding. After an awkward, "Oh!" from both of them, it was silent until they said, "How's your summer been?" at the same time. Then, "Go ahead, you first." in the same manner. Then they just laughed. Lily made to leave, but James stopped her mid-tracks saying, "Hey Evans, you didn't answer my question. So how 'bout it? How's your summer been?" Lily smiled and without turning around she replied with a quirk, "You didn't answer my question either." Lily heard the jingle of some money, a quick, "Thank you." and footsteps running to catch up with her. "You first, Evans." James said, ever persistent.  
"Nothing's really happened. I miss Hogwarts is all... Your turn."  
"Lupin's been having a tough time at home, but nothing too bad. Say, Evans, fancy a butterbeer?" Lily laughed at his ability to go from one subject to another so aptly.  
"Can't hurt right?"

But by the time Lily Evans was on her third firewhiskey she was all tears. She had told him every little thing that had happened that summer and how she dearly missed everyone; especially because her brat sister was getting married. "And THAT," ended Lily, slurring her words, "Was how I ended up here." Now, given the current state of inebriation the pretty redhead was in, most men would have taken advantage of her. But fortunately, James' honor (though somewhat tainted) did not allow him to do any such thing. Instead he said, politely of course, "Lily, I reckon we should leave. I'll take you home."  
"Oh!" She looked surprised, "But y-you don't know where I live?" she was stuttering and slurring all her words and James was sure she would not be able to apparate home without splinching herself.  
"Very well," James said in a tone much like one would use to speak to a small child, "Write down your address and you can side-along." He handed her a napkin and quill he managed to procure from somewhere. She wrote down an address, but James knew it wasn't her own. Still as she leaned onto his shoulder drunkenly he apparated to the address she had written down. (James recognized it was on the same street as Lily's house. Let's not blame the lover boy of stalking, he'd been in love with the girl since their first year at Hogwarts.) The address was just another random house and when James asked Lily where she was going as she walked towards her real house, she said, slowly, "I wanted you t-to walk me." she leaned to hug him, poor girl was obviously going to have a VERY bad hangover tomorrow. "For the pure romantic genius in it of course." she shrugged, as though she didn't feel when James' heart speed up as she leaned on to his chest. "Let's go, shall we." Lily's words were very much slurred so James lead her hand-in-hand to her house, her head on his shoulder the whole time. They said their drunk goodbyes. But when Lily crossed the doorframe into her house, she knew something was missing. Even in her very intoxicated state she knew exactly what was missing so she turned around with a hesitant, "James, I-" but she hadn't expected to see James' face a few mere centimeters from her own.  
"I know, Evans. I felt it too." then, without permission he kissed her passionately. And Lily, without realizing the real implications of this one kiss dropped her handbag and wrapped her arms around James' neck. Her fingers were entwined in James' hair when he pushed her against the wall and she let out a small, "oh." he pulled away too soon though. He didn't know what had made him do something so irrational. He banged his fist on the wall near Lily's head and her eyes widened. "Dammit, Lily, I have a girlfriend." but Lily didn't really think her response through when she said, "So? /This/, right now, us, THIS is what you've wanted for so long. Right?" James didn't know what to say. It must have been the alcohol talking because the Lily he knew didn't usually talk like this. He only shook his head.  
"Bullshit." Lily said angrily. Although she wouldn't really realize it until tomorrow, she was in love with James Potter. "Of course you want it." and deep down, Lily knew what was going to happen then even if it was the alcohol (which it was NOT), and even if she had no recollection of it by the morning (which she would), and even if she didn't entirely know what she was DOING (which she did) she still did it. Lily Evans pulled on James Potter's tie and practically dragged him behind her, shutting the door, and kissed him. At first she felt a bit of a struggle against her, but after a few seconds James seemed to second-guess himself. "Honestly," he thought to himself, "the girl I've been in love with since forever wants to snog, maybe even shag. I shouldn't be doubting it." as Lily took his hand and led him upstairs, presumably to her room, he noticed (for the first time that night) how amazingly long her legs looked and how the skirt she wore was slightly hitched up on the left side and you could see a fair bit of thigh and. . .

For the first time in the whole summer, James allowed himself to think thoughts like that. Lily smiled and he couldn't help but smile a genuine smile when her face lit up like that. When they reached her room, James (ever the gentleman), asked, "Are you sure?"  
"Oh for Merlin's sake James! Shut up. I'm bloody begging you to snog me and you ask, 'are you sure?' Honestly?" so with his usual smirk he pushed her onto her bed. Her eyes got wide with fake innocence "What are you going to do to me, James?" he held his index finger to his lips and whispered "Shh" in her ear as he kissed down her neck. But she didn't really listen to him and said, in a voice barely above a whisper, "Are you going to do dirty things to me, Mr. Potter?" she brought his lips back to hers. He chuckled as he felt her hands slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Of course, Ms. Evans. What else would I ever want to do with you?" and then...

Well, and then Lily woke up to the splash of cold water on her face. "Lily, dear." her mum said, "You passed out. Again. Must be the heat... You really should be drinking more water. I'm going out tonight and won't be back for some time so make sure you drink A LOT of water." Lily wasn't really listening... Unfortunately for Lily she didn't know what part of yesterday was dream and what was reality so she had to try all day and sort it out. Her hard efforts failed miserably. But for Prongs, that is, James, he remembered everything.


	2. Chapter 1

_****_I will seriously love you forever and ever if you leave reviews for me, because I need inspiration. I need that help that you guys leave me. Anyways, right now the first 3 chapters are going to go up pretty fast because I've got them written for the most part. This chapter is unfortunately tiny (shorter than the prologue), but the ending to it was good. PLEASE review!

Disclaimer: JKR owns almost all the names, and some of the contents. Rest of it is my crazy imagination.

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_**Ch. 1**_  
(James)  
"Honestly!" James exclaimed to his best friend, Sirius Black, "What was I thinking?" he was of course referring to the incident the other night when he had kissed Lily Evans. Barely. It hadn't even been a real kiss.  
"Maybe-" Remus Lupin tried to reason with James.  
"No. Listen. First of all, I have a bloody girlfriend. And second of all, she was so drunk she passed out right after the k-kiss." he hesitated, "Thing." even he didn't know what it really was.  
"Prongs, mate," Sirius retorted "maybe you weren't thinking."  
"But I was," James frowned. "I wasn't nearly as drunk as her and I knew that I wanted that kiss-thing to happen." he ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "Wormtail, what do you think?" James was addressing Peter Pettigrew, the fourth Marauder (as they were collectively known), and Peter squirmed uncomfortably. After a bit of silence James repeated himself, "Well, what do you think?"  
"W-well. I think we- sorry, *you*- should talk to Lily." Peter admitted quietly.  
"Spoken like Moony," Sirius whispered. Peter blushed. But James continued pacing with an even more thoughtful look on his than before.  
"He might have a point..."  
"James, you can't just pop up at Evans' front door and say, 'What did you think about our kind-of-kiss?' " Sirius nodded as a manner of praise to his own words. James paid him no heed. "No, but we shouldn't think of what we can't do... We should think of what we CAN do."

* * *

(Lily)  
"MAR!" Lily practically yelled into the phone. Marlene McKinnon (though three years older than her) was Lily's closest friend.  
"Okay, okay." Lily's friend sighed. "Let's go over this. You think you had a foreplay dream about James Potter."  
"No, Mar, I KNOW I had a foreplay dream about Potter. I just don't remember what's real and what's not."  
"Lily... That's not the point. The point is that you have NEVER had a dream like this, not even with your ex-boyfriend with whom you were going out with for three years and now you have this dream about JAMES SODDING POTTER." Lily shook her head, knowing full well her friend could not see her head.  
"But Mar... What am I supposed to say to him when we get back to school? I can't very well go up to him and say, 'I think I had a foreplay to shagging dream featuring you, even though I've hated you for 5 years. Can you clarify what was real and what was dream?' now can I?-"  
"Lily!"  
"No, Mar. He said something last night." Lily heard Marlene sigh, "He said he had a girlfriend." Lily knew her friend was about to interrupt her, but when she heard this statement, she stopped grumbling.  
"Wait. He WHAT?" Marlene was genuinely shocked. Lily could've cried right then. She knew she liked Potter so, so much and the jealousy was driving her mad.  
"He said-" her voice cracked, "He said he had a girlfriend."  
"Oh Lily... Are you sure?"  
"Of course I'm sure!" Lily was on the verge of tears, she felt them building up behind her eyelids.  
"Love... Why don't we meet at the Leaky Cauldron at, say, 5 today?" Marlene asked with love in her voice.  
"Okay." Lily sniffled. She hung up the phone and sat on her bed with remorse filling her up slowly. And finally, after holding them back for so long, the tears came. They came in body-wracking sobs. They came in petite sniffles. Or they just fell silently down her pretty face. When her mum called her name for lunch, Lily replied in a slightly shaky voice, "Coming mum!" then, pulling out her wand (she had turned 17 about 6 months ago so she was allowed to use magic outside of school) she whispered, "Evanesco." and her tears disappeared, but she could still feel them taunting her, right under her eyelids.


	3. Chapter 2

_**Note from the author:**_ this is one of the chapters i happen to like. as i mentioned, the first few chapters are going up fast, which also means they wont have a lot of grammatical correctness. sorry if it bothers you.

Disclaimer: JKR is the amazing person who gave me inspiration to take some of her characters and make my own story

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_**Chapter two: A Decision To Make  
**_(Lily)  
"Oh Lily..." Marlene McKinnon sighed as she saw her friend enter the Leaky Cauldron at precisely 5 o' clock on Saturday afternoon. She got up from her table to hug Lily. Marlene noticed that there were dark circles under Lily's eyes and her (Lily's) eyes were red with unshed (or maybe they had been shed) tears. Lily hugged her friend back and sniffled. As they sat down, the pretty blonde (Marlene) asked the tear-stained Lily, "So tell me everything you know and everything you THINK you feel."  
"I-think-I-like-James-Potter." the redhead mumbled quietly.  
"What?"  
"You heard me," Lily said quietly.  
"No Lily, I really didn't." Marlene said, a smile tempted her lips but she had the decency to hide it.  
"I think I like James Potter." Lily said it louder, but she sounded like she was choking on the words. "Mar, why am I sad about this? James has liked me for 6 years and I couldn't think of why he would suddenly stop."  
"Well, maybe he's changed." Marlene suggested.  
"Maybe..." Lily mused. "What do you think I should say to him when I see him?"  
"Don't think you'll have a chance to think about that." Marlene said under her breath.  
"What?" Lily hadn't heard that last statement. Marlene nodded towards the door, where all four of the Marauders had appeared. "Oh crap. Quick Mar, do a disillusionment charm!" Lily would have done it herself, but she had trouble with that particular charm. And the look of hopelessness in Lily's eyes was too great for Marlene to simply roll her eyes and ignore her. So the blonde tapped her wand to Lily's head and muttered a spell under her breath. Lily felt a chill run down her spine and when she looked down she couldn't see herself anymore. "Thank you so much, Mar. I'm still gonna go hide or maybe sneak on the Marauders." some of the redhead's humor was slowly returning. This time Mar really did roll her eyes. Lily wasn't sure what made her do it, but she actually did go to stand by the Marauders' table to listen. "Well, I don't know why Rachel would care so much if I broke up with her." James sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time. Lily almost slapped James. Rachel? Rachel Trevino? Really! She was one of Lily's friends! How could she? But Lily backtracked when she thought about how for the past five years she had hated James and to anyone (but her and Marlene) nothing would be wrong if one of her friends went out with him.  
"Come on Prongs don't be thick. This is the first real girlfriend you've had in who knows how long." Sirius disagreed  
"But, Lily-" the redhead started at her name.  
"Prongs. She hates you and-"  
"You don't know that. You weren't there at the kind of kiss!" now James disagreed.  
"So that's what it was. A 'kind of kiss'..." Lily thought to herself.  
"Then break up with Rachel and tell Lily how you feel and how you hope she feels." the oh-so-quiet Remus interrupted. The other Marauders turned to state at him.  
"But now Padfoot's right..." James said and Sirius sat back with annoying satisfaction. "She probably hates me." James continued.  
"But what if she doesn't?" Peter joined in. Now they were all engaged in the conversation.  
"After 5-years-" that was James.  
"Well, you never-" that was Peter.  
"Just keep your-" there was Sirius.  
"Why doesn't he just-" the ever-logical Remus.  
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME DECIDE?" James yelled over them all. They all said their version of sorry and James apologized for getting so angry, as was usual of the Marauders. Lily looked kind of sad. She knew James wasn't going to break up with Rachel. She just felt it in her heart. So she went back to the table with Marlene at it. "Mar, it's me. Can we just go to a muggle mall or something?" Marlene looked startled at the sudden appearance (or not) of her friend, but left her table anyways. Lily was right behind her as they stepped out of the Leaky Cauldron. Marlene tapped Lily on her head once more and a warm spreading feeling spread through the redhead and she could see herself again.  
"Lily. You listened to them, didn't you?" The blonde chastised. But Lily was not in the mood to argue so she just nodded meekly. "Oh, love... What'd you hear?" Mar wrapped an arm around her sad friend. The redhead shook her head and let out one lonely sob. They went to a bar, but only remembered they weren't old enough to drink in the muggle world once they had reached the door.  
"Oh well." Marlene sighed. "What do you want to do?"  
"Cry." Lily replied simply.  
"Oh come on. It can't have been that bad. Tell me what they said?" Marlene was begging and Lily didn't feel up to an argument so she told the blonde. "Sirius doesn't want James to break up with her. Remus wants James to tell me how he feels. Peter hopes I don't hate James because he agrees with Remus. And James, well, I didn't really stay long enough to know what he thinks, but I KNOW he's not going to break up with Rachel." the redhead made a face as she said the name.  
"Wait. Rachel? As in Rachel Trevino? Your 6th year friend?" Marlene questioned.  
"Yup." Lily nodded somberly.  
"You should hex her into next year." Marlene said seriously. Lily sighed. "Oh Mar, I wanted to. But she doesn't know that I like James. No one knows. I still don't like admitting it to myself. It would be BAD if I took out any of my anger on poor Rachel." she was always so practical.  
"Then just steer clear of her for some time."  
"I think I will..."  
"Come on Lily, let's go to my house and get wasted." Mar said. So they did.

(James)  
"Well, I don't know why Rachel would care so much if I broke up with her." James sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time.  
"Come on Prongs don't be thick. This is the first real girlfriend you've had in who knows how long." Sirius disagreed.  
"But, Lily-" James tried to argue.  
"Prongs. She hates you and-"  
"You don't know that. You weren't there at the kind of kiss!" now James disagreed.  
"Then break up with Rachel and tell Lily how you feel and how you hope she feels." the oh-so-quiet Remus interrupted. The other Marauders turned to state at him.  
"But now Padfoot's right..." James said and Sirius sat back with annoying satisfaction. "She probably hates me." James continued.  
"But what if she doesn't?" Peter joined in. Now they were all engaged in the conversation.  
"After 5-years-" that was James.  
"Well, you never-" that was Peter.  
"Just keep your-" there was Sirius.  
"Why doesn't he just-" the ever-logical Remus.  
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME DECIDE?" James yelled over them all.  
"Sorry mate." Sirius said.  
"Sorry..." Remus and Peter chorused.  
"Nah. I shouldn't have exploded like that." James said and he thought he felt a swish of air by his side. They all sighed tiredly in unison. "So." Sirius finally decided to speak what everyone was thinking. "What are you going to do?"  
"I think..." James was trying to choose his words carefully. "That I'm going to stay with Rach until I see something from Lily." and since that decision was the purpose of their meeting, the group dispersed but Sirius stayed with James, for at the moment Sirius was staying at James' house. "Prongs mate, I'm sorry I wasn't on your side earlier." Sirius murmured, but James waved it away. "Nah, Padfoot, you don't always have to be on my side."  
"Thanks mate. Wanna grab a firewhiskey?" Sirius grinned.  
"Always." James retorted.

And by the time they were so drunk they barely knew what they were saying, they had managed to put dungbombs in some poor muggle's backyard and were giggling like little school-girls.  
"James, James, did you see his face?" Sirius laughed.  
"'Course I did Pads." he laughed too, but what he really wanted was someone he could show off to, particularly a special redhead whose house he noticed they passed accidentally. Sirius swung an arm over James' shoulder as he swayed from side to side humming a little melody. "Hey Pads," James asked suddenly serious.  
"Mhm?" came the feeble response.  
"How are we gonna get back?"  
"What?"  
"How are we gonna get home?"  
"Oh shit." comprehension drew on Sirius' face as he realized what his best friend was saying. Of course they could both apparate perfectly, but considering how drunk they both were, they weren't going anywhere soon.  
"You know, I think we might be near Evans' house." James said and Sirius stopped walking completely now. "How do you know that?" he said.  
"The kind of kiss. Remember?" James rolled his eyes.  
"Oh. Well be better go there then. She can help us with her magical 'anti drunkenness' Potion or whatever." James rolled his eyes again. "Well." Sirius demanded again, "Lead the way."  
"Sirius, it's 1 in the morning. We can't very well go barging in there."  
"Then we'll knock."  
"Fine. Whatever." so James started heading towards her house and when he got there he knocked politely. No response. He rang the bell. No response. He was hit with a moment of inspiration. He backed up and picked a few stones of the ground. Sirius looked at him funny but didn't ask questions. James threw the first stone and with his Chaser's precision it hit the window exactly where he wanted it. Still no response. He threw the next one. No response. He threw the next one with a little more force and it clanged a little louder than the others. Finally the window opened and a red head stuck out of the window. "Merlin's beard Potter. Did you just pull a Romeo?" she rubbed her eyes. He nodded grinning while swaying a little. Lily noticed his sway and asked, "Are you okay?"  
"Technically yes. Really no. But that's not the point. The point is that Sirius and I are too intoxicated to apparate home and we were in the neighborhood so we thought you could give us some of that non-drunkenness potion you invented."  
"For Dumbledore's sake Potter." she practically yelled, "What the hell are you doing 'in the neighborhood'?"  
"Dungbombs." he replied simply. "Now, do ya think you could give us some of that potion?"  
"I haven't got any." she snapped, "Now go away." she shut the window. James sighed and sat with his friend and said "We could go find a good bench and sleep it off." he suggested. But Sirius was already snoring. He heard the squeak of Lily's window and jumped up to see what was going on. "On second thought. You can stay here. I have about 5 rooms empty at the moment so you can each have one. I'll be down in a moment."  
"Thanks!" James called as she shut her window again. When she opened the front door, she had her hair in a messy ponytail and her night robe was pulled tight around her waist. James couldn't help but notice the dark circles beneath her eyes. He wondered what had caused them and briefly thought it had been the almost kiss but quickly dismissed it from his mind since there was NO way she could really remember it. "Come on then." she waved him in. James rushed to Sirius' side and tried to wake him but his sleep was too great. James took out his wand and whispered "Wingardrium leviosa." Sirius was levitated about a foot off the floor and James brought him into Lily's house. The only thing his mind would comprehend was, "What an unromantic way to first see her house..." honestly. For the life of him this was the only thing that crossed his mind. Not how awkward it was. Not how completely nice and organized the house was. Not that Lily was alone in her house. Not that they'd be sleeping in the same house. But that it was completely unromantic, the way he first got to see the inside of her house. As Lily showed James the room he could put Sirius in (and pointed out the room James could stay in) James felt a twinge in his heart as she smirked at how drunk Sirius was. "Hey, Ale." Lily turned just because that there was no one else James could be talking to but her. "Thanks for letting us crash."  
"Yeah whatever." she murmured.

James was about to shut the door to the room Lily had let him borrow, when a hand stopped the door. "What did you call me?" James smirked, flopped down on the bed, ran a hand through his hair and said, "Shut the door on your way out, Ale." Lily looked confused but did as he told her. When she had left, James was left with an ache in his chest and he couldn't explain it. He knew Rachel and him were going to be drifting apart very soon.


	4. Chapter 3

Note from the author: Well, as I promised, the first three chapters are going up at a relatively decent speed thus here is the third chapter. I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar issues (there probably are a few). PLEASE leave a review! I PROMISE to give you a cookie if you do. Thanks!

Disclaimer: JKR is an amazing person who has inspired me to write all this stuff. About 90% or more of the characters are hers. ALL of the places are hers. And some of the scenes might be hers.

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_**Chapter 3: Looking For Something**_  
(James)  
James had left early that morning, leaving a sticky note on Sirius telling him to hurry and get back home. He didn't want to have another awkward encounter with Lily and he managed. Thus, the next time he saw her was on September 1st, on Platform 9 3/4 when they were boarding the train. He didn't actually talk to her, just a sort of nod. He saw her lips twitch. Unfortunately he wasn't sure if it was a smile-twitch or an anger-twitch. He went to find the rest of the Marauders, for they had all gotten there at different times. He searched multiple compartments, and when he finally found them (sans Peter, who knew where HE was) he saw Lily chatting conversationally with Remus. "Damn," he swore to himself.

"Evans," he greeted her.  
"Potter," she raised an eyebrow. Then went back to her conversation. "What's that all about?" James asked Sirius.  
"Dunno. Head duties probably. Speaking of which, have you told her yet?" Sirius whispered the last sentence.  
"No. Of course I haven't."  
"Well she's gonna find out some time or the other. Might as well tell her." Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and said, loudly, "Good luck mate." James rolled his eyes as his black haired best friend left the compartment.  
"Good luck with what?" Lily and Remus inquired simultaneously.  
"Erm, nothing," James said hesitantly. "So what are you two lovebirds talking about?" Lily rolled her eyes but Remus said, "Head duties." he sent a significant look towards James.  
"Remus, what was that look?" Lily asked.  
"What look?" he responded too quickly.  
"Never mind." Lily shook her head, "Do either of you know who the Head Boy is? No one seems to know and since the Marauders know everything, thought you might know." James sent Remus a look that screamed, "SHUT UP. SHUT UP." but Remus ignored the look and said, "Erm... Well-" Lily raised an eyebrow.  
"It'sme." James said, and then took a deep breath. Lily's mouth dropped. "YOU?"  
"Yeah. Shock right?" James sighed.  
"How- what- when- WHY?" Lily couldn't make coherent sentences, but was saved the trouble by the entrance of Rachel Trevino. She plopped down (It wasn't really a plop. More like a dainty sit down sort of thing.) next to James and kissed him. Remus snuck a glance at Lily who looked completely unaffected. "Erm," James said. "Lily, this is Rachel-"  
"Trevino." she finished and when she got looks from the two Marauders that were present, she explained, "I know who she is. She's a friend of mine. Hullo Rach." she addressed Rachel.  
"Hi Lily. Did you hear? James and I are dating."  
"God. After that snog, I didn't need to HEAR anything." Lily retorted and James wondered what that response was about. Lily never talked that way. "Erm. Ok?" Rachel said tentatively.  
"I'm going to go find Alice and them before I head up to the Head compartment. All right? See you guys later?" and with a bit of a flourish she left the compartment.

(Rachel)  
Rachel was looking for James and when she finally found him he was sitting with Lily. Of course, Remus Lupin was in the compartment as well, but Rachel's over protective girlfriend side blocked that information. She backed up before anyone saw her. "Deep breaths, Rach," she told herself, "Deep breaths, he doesn't like her anymore. He likes you. You are so NOT the jealous type. Go in there and show them." but in reality, Rachel Trevino had never been the bravest or most confident. There was a reason she was a Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor. So she did her best. She fluffed her dark, voluminous hair, pulled her skirt a little higher and her shirt a little lower and boldly walked into the compartment. She sat down next to James and kissed him softly, to remind him what he'd been missing for the past couple days. A quiet "mmmm..." escaped James' parted lips and she was satisfied. James, always the gentleman tried to introduce her to Lily. "Erm, Lily, this is Rachel-"  
"Trevino." the redhead finished. Rachel noticed the looks the Marauders gave Lily and so did Lily because she explained, "I know who she is. She's a friend of mine. Hullo Rach." she addressed Rachel.  
"Hi Lily. Did you hear? James and I are dating." she felt she had to rub it in just one more time.  
"God. After that snog, I didn't need to HEAR anything." Lily retorted and Rachel wondered what had made Lily's voice resound with that snap. Lily never snapped. "Erm. Ok?" Rachel said tentatively.  
"I'm going to go find Alice and them before I head up to the Head compartment. All right? See you guys later?" an with a bit of a flourish (that did NOT escape Rachel, though she wondered why it was present) Lily left the compartment.  
"James," Rachel giggled, pulling on her boyfriends shirt, "WHAT on earth was that about?"  
"Hmm?" James was staring out the window.  
"What are you thinking about, love?"  
"I'm Head Boy." it made Remus snigger. "But why?"  
"Another of your 'oh so important' questions..." Rachel sighed. She was nothing short of a normal 6th year. After all, they were ALL girly and in love with James Potter. Now that she had him, what did she have to worry about? Right?  
"Yeah. I guess it is." it did not escape her notice that James' voice had the same snap the Lily's had had in hers earlier. "I'm going to the Head compartment." he stood up abruptly and left Rachel sitting with an awkward Remus.  
"So Remus," she started, trying to make a conversation, "Are you going out with Lily?" Remus looked shocked she had even suggested it. She heard him mumble something about not being Lily's type. "What's that? I didn't hear you."  
"I'm not exactly her type." Remus said loudly this time.  
"Well, what IS her type? Do you know?" this was the trivial sort of stuff 6th years talked about. Of course, Rachel was in Ravenclaw, but that only meant she was smart in schoolwork. She thought about Lily and her excellent grades, "Lily would have made a brilliant Ravenclaw." she thought to herself.  
"... So, no. I don't really know what type of guys Lily is interested in." Remus finished without one word having actually been heard by Rachel. Rachel just nodded and let Remus continue to read his textbook in peace.

(Lily)  
"I'm going to go find Alice and them before heading up to the Head compartment. All right? See you guys later?" Lily forced herself to leave with a bit of an extra flourish. She headed straight to the bathroom to get a private place to think. Once she was safely locked in there she said aloud, but to herself, "Oh Merlin, I'm about to cry." an understatement if there ever was one. By the time she had stopped, which really wasn't that long but it seemed like an eternity, her eyes were red and her mascara was streaked down her pale face. She spent a fair bit of time trying to fix her make up and when she was done she straightened her skirt and pulled it lower, she hated it being too high, smoothed out her shirt, then headed to the front of the train, where the Head compartment was located. When she got there she was surprised to see that James was already there. "James!" there was a tone of surprise in her voice that Lily tried to hide but did not succeed.  
"Hey Ale. What's up?" he smirked. As per usual, her heart sped up at that smile. "Snap out of it, Lily. He's an idiot," she told herself.  
"Well, first of all, WHAT does the stupid nickname mean?" he grinned a little wider. She continued, "Second of all, why the hell are YOU Head Boy?" his face fell. Yet she trudged along, "And WHY ON EARTH are y-" Lily shut up before she finished that last one. She was going to say, "why on earth are you going out with Rach?" but she knew that if she said that, he'd get way more fun out of it than he deserved. After all, he was just an egotistical bastard. She blushed. He leaned forward, "Yes Ale? What were you about to say?"  
"Nothing." she held her head high.  
"Come on. You stopped yourself, like a train when it sees something in front of it. You were about to say something you didn't want me to hear."  
"Exactly! I didn't want you to hear it. So will you shut up? It doesn't matter what I didn't say. Can we just get back to Head duties or whatever?" she did realize that he had effectively maneuvered his way out of answering her questions, but her heart was beating way too fast and her hands were clammy so she begun to organize papers.  
When all the prefects had entered the compartment, James and Lily said what they had to say, as Heads of course. James was loud, confident, perfect really. He was always so confident and Lily admired him for it. When Lily had to talk however, her words were stuttered and slurred. She sometimes had to start whole sentences over. She noticed James smirking, which just made her nerves worsen. By the time the meeting was over and James and Lily were alone again, Lily was on the verge of tears, but she was NOT going to let James see that.  
"What was that, Ale? Cat got your tongue?" James sniggered.  
"No Potter. I'm just a blithering idiot who can't form coherent sentences when talking to a small group of people." Lily made sure her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Oh my Merlin! What's happening to me? I've never been one to cry over something as trivial as this!" she thought to herself. "I'll see you later." she grabbed her school bag and made to leave the Head compartment before James could see the tears that were threatening to fall any second now. She stopped in the door frame, though, "Potter did you make a reference to a muggle saying?" he just smiled and said "Shut the door on your way out, yeah?"  
"Jeez Potter, why can you NEVER answer any of my questions? I ask a simple question, like, 'Why do you call me Ale?' and I get no answer. Oh, here's another easy question, 'Did you make a reference to a muggle saying?' and I still don't get an answer! Can't you just, for the tiniest moment stop and think about someone other than yourself? Can you just, for ONCE, answer my questions?" Lily was almost shouting by the end of it. James looked slightly hurt, but he was still James Potter so all he said was, "Nope." he pushed his way out of the compartment and Lily was alone wondering what had just happened. She backed up against a wall and slid down it so she was sitting on the floor instead of one of the nice couches in the compartment. "Oh my god. (Forget Merlin) I AM a blithering idiot." she said aloud to herself, head in her hands.  
"Lily?" Remus Lupin had entered the compartment. "Dammit." she swore to herself.  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you okay?"  
"No."  
"Wanna talk about it?"  
"Not in the slightest."  
"Alright then." and after a pause, "Rachel asked if we were going out."  
"Oh Merlin... Not Rachel again..." Lily was so sick of hearing about Rachel. She wished she could talk to Mar, the only person who wouldn't ramble about private life details.  
"I know." there had been a silence too long to mean that he knew Lily was sick of Rach, and he had said it too fast.  
"You know _what_?" Lily was curious.  
"Lily. Come one. It's obvious. To me anyways." Remus sounded awkward. Lily raised an eyebrow.  
"What are you on about?" she asked.  
"I-know-you-like-James-and-no-one-else-can-see-it-but-since-I'm-so-close-to-both-of-you-it's-obvious." he ran out breath. Lily didn't know how to respond to that. So after a moment of shock she just wrapped her arms around Remus' neck and sobbed into his chest. Eventually she calmed down long enough to ask, "Was it that obvious?"  
"No." she let out a relieved sigh. "But," Remus continued, "It IS obvious that _something_ is going on with you."  
"Shit."  
"Sorry."  
"Not your fault."  
"Okay."  
"Okay."  
Then there was silence. And Lily continued, "Can he tell?" Remus seemed to ponder the question.  
"He has his doubts." and when she frowned he told her the idea he had thought of earlier, "But to prove that you don't. Like him, that is. There's something you CAN do..."  
"Hmm?"  
"Get a boyfriend."  
"Oh Remus, you know me. I could never get a boyfriend that I don't like." she chided.  
"You might not like him at first but you could grow to like him."  
"Are you unofficially asking me out?" her eyebrows went up.  
"Oh Merlin no. You're a great friend and it would feel like incest." she laughed. "But I think it might help you at least try to get over James."  
"I might." she couldn't. She didn't want to tell Remus that and make him feel bad, but she knew that she could never date someone she didn't like and the one person she did like, might be the one person that hates her (other than Snape). And even if James didn't _hate_ her, he was taken.  
"Good luck, Lily." he patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.  
"Remus," Lily called out (he was by the door).  
"Yeah?"  
"Thanks."


	5. Chapter 4

**N/A (note from the author)**: I just finished typing this. Literally not 5 minutes ago. So excuse the grammatical errors. and GUESS WHAT?! there's actually suspense in this one! mwahahaha. Anyways, I want to thank my reviewers. **Anonymous person**: thanks. it means a lot that you like it. I saw the chance to put an "always" in there and took it especially because it was a Snape quote coming out of James' mouth :D (::) (::) there are your cookies. and i took your advice on the line breaks, but i think this may have been a bit much :P **FoxTrotter**: i know you and we talked, so don't really have anything to say. but, here are your cookies (::) (::) I HOPE YOU ENJOY 3

**Disclaimer:** JKR is amazing and she deserves credit for loads of this.

* * *

Chapter 4: The curse  
(James)  
James was walking to the school, a fair distance behind the carriages. He needed to think (and have a smoke). Lily was acting so weird, but she hadn't done anything to make him think that she liked him. Rachel knew something was wrong. Obviously she didn't know what it was, but that wasn't the point. She would be clingier than ever, he thought. James Potter let out a sigh as he accepted that he liked Lily Evans and could do nothing about it.  
He took a particularly long drag from his cigarette and thought about what the chances that Lily liked him back were. "Zero." he said aloud, kicking a rock. She was acting very strangely, but not in a good way. It was easier to make her angry and she snapped back much faster than before summer. Before summer, she almost never snapped, now it was a constant. James made a resolve to try and be nicer to her. He wasn't ready to ask her out again, it had ended badly too many times, but he could at least try to be nice.  
These thoughts occupied the Head Boy's head as he entered the Grand Hall in a show-off-y way. As he sat down at the table with the rest of the Marauders, he noticed a lot of people were staring, but the one person that mattered was not. "What is the purpose of a fantastic entrance," he mused silently, "If you don't get the attention of the one person whose attention you seek?" he was grabbing every plate within arms length. Sirius asked, "You okay?"  
"Fabulous."  
"Are you sure?" Remus asked; he was always worrying.  
"Yes," James responded forcefully, "I just needed a smoke, a'ight?" they shrugged and let it go.  
"You missed the Sorting." Peter pointed out unnecessarily and James looked at him with a look that shot daggers. Peter went back to his food and the Marauders just left James alone. James was allowed the pleasure of eating in peace until a sharp poke hit him in the back. "We have to lead the first years." Lily jerked him out of his reverie.  
"Sorry, what?" he had been thinking about what he would do about the Rachel problem.  
"Come on!" Lily rolled her eyes. "We have to show the first years where to go."  
"Fine. Hey, shorties!"  
"Potter!" she laughed at him, "You can't call them 'shorties'!"  
"But look at them!" he thought he saw a bit of a smile playing at her lips.  
"So? We are supposed to be setting a good example. Calling first years 'shorties' is NOT setting a good example."

* * *

They were in the foyer with all the little first years following obediently when Snape came up to them and said, "So finally the mudblood loves the famous Potter."  
"Call her that ONE more time..." James threatened. He felt his hand reach for his wand as his fury began to boil.  
"Potter... Don't." her voice wasn't angry. It was more like a mother scolding her child, in a kind manner. A loving chide. The tone in her voice made James relax, but when Snape snickered and said, "Oh look, Potter needs his mudblood girlfriend to stand up for h-" Snape didn't have time to finish his sentence because James had punched him.

The rest was a bit of a blur, but he remembered the look on Lily's face. It wasn't anger or hate. It wasn't love or sympathy. It was confusion and (James thought) some pride. He barely remembered that look of confusion (and maybe pride) until after the clamor. Then he recalled how all he wanted was to apologize to Lily, but had instead rushed to the Head Boy's dormitory to think. He knew he had to sort things out. He was dating Rachel, but didn't want to be. He couldn't break up with her; she had to many friends and they would somehow manage to turn the entire school against him. But he knew he liked Lily. A lot. More than he should. "Fuck!" he shouted as he threw a random object across the room. He ran his hands through his hair and fell onto his bed in frustration. There was a light knock at his door and he wondered who it was. The rest of the Marauders would've barged right in, but even _they_ had the decency to leave him alone. Lily... He just knew it wasn't her, but he still wished it were. "Come in," he sighed. When the door was pushed open, Rachel came in. "Oh, it's you." he didn't know what else to say.  
"Yeah, it's me." she sat down on the bed next to him. "James?" she sounded slightly choked.  
"Mhm?"  
"Do you like Lily?" it sounded like that question took all the bits of courage she had in her.  
"Merlin, no! Why would you even ask that?" he was blessed with the gift of being a born liar.  
"You stood up for her earlier..."  
"No. I stood up for what I _believe_. He called her a mud-" he couldn't say it. "A you-know-what. If it had been anyone else, I would've done the same for them," he didn't mean it.  
"Oh." she looked relieved, "Okay." he felt guilty, but he had to do it. If he broke up with Rachel, right now of all times, everyone would accuse him of cheating, or at the very least of liking Lily Evans. Of course, he _did_, but he wasn't ready to let everyone know that. He remembered that summer day when Rachel had asked him out. The day when he promised to never lie to her. "Don't ever lie to me," she had said to him and he had answered, "I won't and that's a promise."  
"Should we kiss on it?" Rachel didn't get a spoken answer because James had kissed her. On the lips and everything, even though it had just been a few minutes of them being an official couple. James felt so bad about it, but he knew it had to be done.

* * *

(Rachel)  
"Come in," she heard him say from inside his dorm room. Once she pushed open the door, he said. "Oh it's you," it sounded like he didn't really want her there.  
"Yeah, it's me." she sat down on the bed next to him. "James?" she had to calm herself down to breath correctly.  
"Mhm?"  
"Do you like Lily?" that question was probably one of the most difficult questions she had ever asked.  
"Merlin, no! Why would you even ask that?" She believed him.  
"You stood up for her earlier..." this had freaked her out so much. She needed to know.  
"No. I stood up for what I _believe_. He called her a mud-" he choked "A you-know-what. If it had been anyone else, I would've done the same for them." her breathing was getting easier with every passing moment  
"Oh." she was so relieved, "Okay."

* * *

Later when she was sitting by the window in the 6th year girls dormitory at around midnight she started to think. "What if he didn't mean any of that? What if it was all a bunch of lies? What if he actually does like Lily?" she flashed back to the summer when she had first asked him out. "Don't ever lie to me," she had said to him and he had answered, "I won't and that's a promise."  
"Should we kiss on it?" she had asked and James hadn't answered. He just swooped her up in an all-consuming kiss. As she sat by the window wrapped in a blanket she felt a shiver run down her spine. It had nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with that kiss. So as she went to bed she thought, "He's going out with ME. He likes ME."

* * *

(Lily)  
"So finally the mudblood loves the famous Potter." Her head snapped around at the sound of Snape's voice. Even if he hated her now, she still had the reflex action of paying attention to him.  
"Call her that ONE more time..." James threatened. Lily saw his right had move to grab his wand, "Crap, I can't let them get in a duel on the first night back." So she said, "Potter... Don't." she tried to make her voice a little mean so he'd listen to her, but it didn't come out mean. It came out like a loving mother. She blushed slightly. Then Snape snickered and said, "Oh look, Potter needs his mudblood girlfriend to stand up for h-" but that was the wrong thing to say, for the very next second James had punched Snape.

At this instant Lily hated being Head Girl. She had to try to control all the horrified first years and the now punching and swearing that was James and Snape. She called a prefect over and said, "Can you manage the first years? You know the password to the common room, could you please take them there? Like nothing happened?" he merely nodded, not even looking scared at the task of controlling terrified first years. She sighed, this was why she both loved and hated being in Gryffindor. They always got in arguments, but the others would help her with determination. Although occasionally they would join the brawl, but not this time. This time it was just James and Snape on the floor of the foyer. She sniggered at the sound of that. Then she got to work trying to pry them apart without getting hit by a fist or foot.

* * *

She had gone straight to her dormitory the moment Professor McGonagall had told her she could. She had given her statement about what happened and just wanted to go to her dormitory and be alone. Therefore, that is exactly what she did.

Lily ran up the stairs as quickly as she could, trying to not let anyone see the tears that now cascaded down her angelic face. She shut the door to her private dormitory with aloud BANG. She collapsed onto her bed and screamed into her pillow. "What on earth was that all about? I thought he would've stopped standing up for me since he's dating Rach." she thought to herself. Lily was a logical person, but this equation just wasn't adding up. "What's wrong with me?" she almost yelled, snapping out of it. "I haven't payed attention to the news for DAYS! This is bad, very bad. I always read the news. I'm always more concerned with the news than I am with who likes who or who stood up for who, unless it involves Voldemort. What's wrong with me?" so by the time she had finished reading the five latest Daily Prophets, her eyelids were drooping. She whispered, "Nox." and fell asleep immediately.

* * *

Her feet were sore. She had been running. They were in the Forbidden Forest. There was almost no light to see by. James whipped out his wand and said, "Homenum Revelio." when nothing happened they sat down and Lily took off her shoes and began to rub her tired feet. Suddenly James stood up and pointed his wand at her. "James, what are you doing?"  
"I'm sorry Lily. You know I am, but I have to do this." her heart was racing a million miles an hour.  
"Have to do what, James?" he didn't answer, "What do you have to do?!" she yelled out. "Answer me James Alexander Potter!"  
"Crucio," he whispered. The pain was unimaginable. It spread from her toes slowly up to her head. Increasing with every passing second. She screamed out in pain. She was only aware of one conscious thought, "Why is he doing this?" until the pain reached her head, and then she thought her head would explode. It had to, there was no other way to end the pain. She screamed and screamed, but it didn't stop. The pain continued to intensify by tenfold. It wouldn't stop. But it had to. If it didn't she'd die. But she couldn't die. She was too young to die. She never got to tell James how she felt. She deserved the chance to tell him. To tell him that she was in love with him for so long. Then finally, when she was sure she was about to die...


	6. Chapter 5

**N/A**: so my lovelies, anyone who reviewed is very much appreciated. :D **Erin**, a cookie for you (::) and "**you know who**" yes i know who you are and i love you ;) so here's a cookie (::) and **Dark Prometheus** neah but since you reviewed here's your cookie (::) anyways, this chapter has not had much editing to it so if I misspelled stuff, I apologize. Also, one of my friends has been nagging me to update (you know who you are), but you lovely people have to understand that it takes time. Another thing, I was reading my first few chapters and noticed that my writing style has changed a fair bit, and I apologize, but I am not going to start over. ONE MORE THING, do I sound British? PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!

**Disclaime**r: I do not own Harry Potter, unfortunately ;)

Chapter 5  
(Lily)  
She was awake. It was all a dream, a horrible nightmare. Not real. She had to console herself. It wasn't real. She chanted this to herself as she lay wide awake, sweat dripping down her forehead, in her dorm, afraid of what sleep would bring. She wanted to feel his warm arms wrap around her, holding her in his perfect embrace. She wanted to fit into his chest the way she had in her foreplay dream. She didn't need a kiss. She didn't need a hug. All she needed was to be held. She needed to know she had just been dreaming. She couldn't stop herself from thinking these thoughts. So she did the only thing there was left. She wrote every detail of her nightmare down. She wrote how she felt after it. She wrote how her body ached, but not with imaginary pain from the nightmare. She ached with the desire for James Potter to hold her tightly next to him. She wrote this all down and sent an owl to the one person she knew would not laugh at her, Marlene McKinnon.

That morning was the first Saturday of September and classes would be starting on Monday. She hadn't gotten sleep after the nightmare. Again. Dreams of the same type had been plaguing her since they'd gotten back to Hogwarts. It was always James hurting her. Usually it was the Curciatus Curse, but sometimes they would be words, simple words. She remembered, "Fuck off Lily. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve anyone." and he walked away. That nightmare had left her crying for hours. Her friends noticed something was wrong, but when they asked her about it, she'd say, "I'm fine." and then she would say no more.

Until one day. Alice Prewett, a fellow 7th year Gryffindor and one of Lily's best friends, was tired of Lily's constantly down mood. She noticed the dark rings under Lily's eyes. She noticed the extra time she was spending in the Library. Yes, it was NEWT year and YES it was Lily Evans they were talking about, but even for her it was uncharacteristically unnatural to be spending that much time in the Library. So after a few days (Lily's mood swings never lasted more than a few hours), Alice approached Lily in the Library. "Lily, don't even try telling my everything's alright, because I'm one of your best friends and I can tell when something's wrong!" Lily had to stop for a moment. Honestly, why was everyone caught up on this? She was actually considering going to Hogsmeade when the time came, not like how she was a couple days ago. She had adamantly refused her friends' requests to go anywhere, even on a walk on the grounds, but now she was gonna ask Frank Longbottom to walk with her because they were such good friends, and she needed to tell SOMEONE and he seemed like someone who wouldn't laugh.  
"Alice, you know I love you, dear. So I WILL tell you one thing. I'm scared. I'm scared to admit something. I'm scared people will laugh at me. I'm scared I could screw up a fairly decent relationship. I'm scared about so many things right now, Alice." Lily hugged her friend.  
"I'm sorry Lily. I'm really sorry that you're scared of these things." she held her friend out at arms length, "But," Lily sighed, there was always a 'but,' "BUT, you can't keep moping about it. You are a GRYFFINDOR for Merlin's sake, Lily. You need to make a choice. Either do something about it. Do what you want to do. OR you can ignore it. You can pretend nothing has happened. It's your choice." Alice left the Library. Lily sighed. She took her time packing up all her stuff and walking out of the Library. Since she was so deep in thought, it was unfortunate that she should run in to James on her way to the Common Room. "Hey, watch-" James stopped, "Oh, it's you."  
"Yes I suppose it is me." she became irritable quickly. "Now if you don't mind, I'll be going now." she kept walking away when she heard, "Ale, wanna walk with me?" she smiled to herself. Of course she did, but she couldn't. She would just fall for him even more. This wasn't going to end well. "No, Potter, I can't. I've got to go do some things right now. See you later, yeah?"  
"Erm, ok." they turned to walk in their own directions. She frowned. If James was walking around the grounds, she couldn't walk with Frank. She didn't want another confrontation with James. Maybe she'd just ask Frank to sit in a corner where no one was listening. "Wait, James!" she called to his steadily retreating figure.  
"Yes, Ale?" she heard the smile in his voice.  
"Can you show me the kitchens?"  
"You've been here for 7 years and you STILL don't know how to get to the kitchens?" he seemed bemused.  
"Nope." she almost sounded cheerful.  
"All right then. To the kitchens we go!" so they walked and James kept asking her HOW she didn't know where the kitchens were. Neither had a clue Sirius was sitting in his bed staring at them on the Marauders Map, wondering if Rach knew they were hanging out.

* * *

(Sirius)  
Sirius' eyes widened when Lily's feet on the Map turned around and headed back towards James. They walked together and Sirius nearly dropped his chocolate. "Hey Moony! MOONY!"  
"Whaaaat?" came the drowsy reply.  
"Get your lazy ass over here."  
"Nooooo..."  
"Fine. I'll drag you."  
"I'm coming!"  
"I know." Sirius laughed.  
"What?" Remus asked, still trying to wake up. It was almost midnight. He had been sleeping so deeply. Sirius pointed at two names on the Map that were heading in the direction of the kitchens. Remus let his eyes focus for a moment, then dropped the piece of chocolate he'd nicked from Sirius. "Hey Wormtail! Get over here!" Remus yelled to Peter.  
"Whaaaat?" came the tired voice of Wormtail, using the same tone Remus had used earlier.  
"You should see this." Sirius said. Peter dragged himself over to their bed and reached for the entire chocolate bar. Sirius snatched it back and said, "Look," he was pointing at the names that were right in front of the kitchens now. "Whoa..." Peter didn't seem to know what else to say.  
"Yeah." Remus and Sirius said simultaneously.  
"Should we ask him about it?" Peter asked innocently. Remus and Sirius burst out laughing.  
"Merlin's beard, Wormtail! I think you've grown senile. Is asking him even a question?!"  
"When he gets back, he's gonna have a hell of a time telling us what's going on."

* * *

(James)  
They reached the painting of the bowl of fruits and Lily looked at him as though saying, "What now?" but he just reached up to tickle the pear. He heard the tinkling laugh that came from that very pear and saw, out of the corner of his eye, Lily's eyes get as wide as the orange in the painting. He kept tickling until the big green pear turned into a big green handle. He held the door open for Lily to walk into. Her mouth was open and he was grinning widely. "Ladies first," he ushered her in. She walked in silence, running her hand along the wall. James bent down and whispered to a house elf, "Can you get us some butterbeer and cauldron cakes?" the elf nodded and rushed off to get the requested commodities.  
"And... And everyone knows about it?" Lily said, still in awe.  
"Well, everyone except you." James said cheekily and when she playfully smacked the back of his head he felt his heart speed up a notch. 'I don't like her!' he had to repeat to himself. But as he saw her practically waltzing around the kitchens, helping the house elves, he couldn't help but at least ADMIRE her. "Mr. Potter, sir," the house elf he had asked for the butterbeer and cauldron cakes was tugging slightly at his pants, "We has your requests ready, sir."  
"Thank you, Effie," he smiled at her as she scurried off, "Hey Ale," he waved Lily over, "C'mon, I'm eating cauldron cakes and drinking butterbeer, you can't say no to that." she sat down smiling next to him. "They're really nice, you know? They just always want to help you." he smiled as they drank a swig of butterbeer.  
"Hey, Ale?"  
"Hm?"  
"Let's play a game."  
"Like what?"  
"Never have I ever."  
"How'd you play that?"  
"You don't know how to play Never have I ever?!" he was genuinely surprised.  
"Nope."  
"Well, I say 'never have I ever...' something something something. And if you haven't done it, you don't take a drink. If you have, you do." he grinned.  
"Okay... You start."  
"Never have I ever ... Gone out with someone more that three years older than me." to James' great surprise, she took a drink. "What?!"  
"I had a rebellious phase once. It was a stupid fling." she grimaced. "My turn. Never have I ever ... Fallen in love."  
"Whoops." he took a swig. "You tricked me. You knew that one! It was a trick!" she looked smug. So he continued. "Never have I ever ... Drank firewhiskey." They both took a drink. They smiled. Now it was Lily's turn "Never have I ever... Smoked a fag." she grinned widely as they both drank. James sputtered a bit of his drink. So she explained, "My rebellious phase, remember?"  
"Ah... Never have I ever... Shagged someone." he drank, but she didn't. He wasn't REALLY surprised about that one, but they were in a co-ed boarding school and she was seventeen. He pointed the tip of his butterbeer to her.  
"Never have I ever... Gotten so drunk I passed out and didn't remember the last 8 hours." she drank. Of course he did too, but when he saw that she drank, his mouth dropped a little and a bit of butterbeer fell out of his mouth. She laughed and he said, "Do tell!"  
"Erm. That night with the firewhiskey..." her face had returned to the serious mode.  
"Oh."  
"Yeah."  
"We should-" he pointed to the door.  
"Yeah." Lily thanked all the elves and walked awkwardly out of the kitchens. They walked back to the common room in silence. As they departed to go to each one's dorm, they exchanged an awkward hug of sorts.

As James walked up the stairs by his friend's dorm, he pressed his ear to their door to see if they were awake. He didn't hear anything, but he kept his head on the door for one second too long, because next thing he knew, he had fallen into their room. The door had burst open and he saw all his friends, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Frank, Paul, and Alfred (whom they called Alfy). They were all awake and staring at him wide-eyed. "What?!" their stares were beginning to send a chill down James' back.  
"You were in the kitchen with Lily!" they yelled at the same time.  
"So?" James said, straightening out.  
"Does Rachel know that you still like her?" Remus asked diplomatically.  
"Who said I still like her?" James' voice was a bit higher than usual.  
"Erm... It's a bit obvious. Just the way you look at her..." Sirius offered.  
"What? How do I look at her?!" James had a mini heart attack.  
"Love." Alfy said plainly. "A crush. Anything like that."  
"Oh..." James.  
"You need to tell Rach. I mean, if you DO like Lily. You HAVE TO tell her." Remus muttered.  
"What do the rest of you have to say?! Huh? Are you all going to bash me for being 'un-loyal'? Well, I have news for all of you. I'm not in Hufflepuff, I'm in Gryffindor and Gryffindors are BRAVE not LOYAL!" with that he stormed off, not realizing until he was in his bed, that he had just admitted to still liking Lily. He did, he acknowledged later. He DID still like Lily, even if it was the wrong thing. He couldn't help it. Ever since that first day on the Hogwarts Express, it had always been her. The way her ginger hair flowed smoothly down her back... The way her deep green eyes... "NO! Stop it James, right now. Stop." he forced himself to stop thinking about Lily and start thinking about his girlfriend. Classes would start in two days and he had to be focused.

* * *

Monday morning was a bit of chaos, as usual. The first years were running around getting lost, and everyone else was groaning and moaning about their double periods. James was snogging his girlfriend. He was doing it quiet publicly too. All his friends had scooted a few seats away from him, but James didn't seem to care.

* * *

(Remus)  
"Ew," said Sirius.  
"Gross," said Frank.  
"Disgusting," said Peter.  
"Revolting," said Alfy.  
"Atrocious," said Remus.  
"Ew," Paul concluded. They all laughed at his ability to describe the scene before them. "I'm serious! -" Remus continued until Sirius cut him off, "No, Moony, I'M Sirius." Remus frowned at him and persevered on, "Why is this sort of stuff allowed in public at a school? It should be banned."  
"Yeah, we should all sign a petition." Alfy contributed sarcastically. Unfortunately, Remus did not catch the sarcasm.  
"Maybe we should..."  
"Merlin! Take a joke Remus!" Frank said.  
"Just because YOU'RE in a foul mood because Alice is dating that Ravenclaw doesn't mean we all have to be." he sniffed.  
"I'm not- what?" Frank stumbled. Sirius smirked.  
"It's just as obvious as..." Sirius leaned into the table so no one would hear him whisper, "As the fact that James still likes Lily." they all fake gasped, except Frank, who just looked crestfallen. "Am I really that obvious?"  
"Sorry to tell you mate, but yeah. You kinda are." Paul spoke up.  
"Hmph." Frank didn't say anything else and went back to poking his sausage. Soon enough, they began to hear James yelling out, "Quidditch tryout's in 2 weeks! Come try out to be a part of this year's brilliant team, led by none other than me and Sirius Black!" The Marauders sighed. This was going to be an interesting year.

* * *

(Lily)  
"Everything I say in here is of vital importance. I have heard some of your previous teachers were... Incapable. But rest assured, I am well-capable." The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Slouther, had everyone sitting on the edge of his or her chairs. He wasn't handsome, to give the girls in the class a reason to listen and he wasn't particularly buff to make the boys interested. There was something about the way he talked, the way he /moved/ that made him seem like he knew what he was doing. It made him seem like he had been out there, like he'd been out there fighting against Dark witches and wizards. Yet... There was something else... Something that Lily couldn't help but notice. She couldn't place a finger on it, but there was something off about him. "TODAY!" He shouted, jerking Lily from her train of thought. "We are learning about the Unforgivable Curses. Now, who can tell the class what they are?" Lily's hand shot up in the air as though well trained. James' hand was right behind hers. Professor Slouther pointed to Lily, "And your name is?..."  
"Lily. Lily Evans, sir."  
"Well, Ms. Evans, go ahead."  
"There's the Imperius, which forces the person it is cast upon to do whatever the caster likes. Then we have the Curciatus, which is a, if not THE, particularly horrible method of torture. And lastly," she felt a chill run down her spine, "The Killing Curse." She felt the room's temperature drop a few degrees, "The name is self-explanatory." She almost whispered, but was sure everyone had heard her. Yet Professor Slouther continued on, "Now, who can tell me, other than Ms. Evans," Lily's hand was already in the air, "What _using_ these Curses will get you." Lily had put down her hand, looking put out, and James had raised his. "Mr.?..." Said Professor Slouther, pointing to James.  
"James Potter, sir."  
"Ah yes... Now, just because your father is well known in the Ministry and especially the Auror department, does not mean you will get special treatment. Understand?"  
"Of course, sir." He looked happy about this. Which was weird. But that was James.  
"So tell me Mr. Potter, what does one get if they use the Curses?"  
"A long, sometimes a life sentence, time in Azkaban. Or if the use of the Imperious or Curciatus is really terrible, a death sentence. It is always this way with the Killing Curse."  
"Good... Good... Now who wants to see what these curses can do?" No hands were raised, but no one was bored. "To be expected. Yes... You should all be afraid of these curses. BUT you need to know what they do. So today I will show you the Imperius." He dug out a garden snake from one of the glass jars he had, said 'Imperio' loudly and kept his wand pointed at the snake. "Now, what do you want me to make it do?" The class was still silent. "Very well... I can tell, just by the looks on your faces, which ones of you are afraid of snakes." He placed his wand back in his pocket and whispered something no one could hear to the snake. So the snake set off down the middle aisle, people scooting their chairs just slightly away from it. Professor Slouther had taken out his wand once more and pointed it at the snake. He flicked his wand once and the snake was lifted gracefully into the air. "Who can tell me, besides Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter, if I need my wand pointed at the object to keep the curse going." Now both James and Lily looked put out. So Sirius raised his hand. "Yes, Mr.?..."  
"Sirius Black."  
"A Black, eh? But you're in Gryffindor... Curious... Curious... Anyways, tell me something."  
"You don't need a wand. For instance, if you would put your wand down for a moment please," Professor Slouther did so and Sirius continued, "Now tell the snake to come to my desk." Without saying a word, and without Slouther having picked up his wand, the snake began to slither eerily through the air towards Sirius. Once the snake had landed on his desk, Sirius picked it up and stroked it. Several of the on looking girls gazed at him in admiration. "WAKE UP!" Yelled Professor Slouther and everyone started. "Do you see what Mr. Black did right there?" People shook their head. "He didn't even have to use the Imperious to make you all do what he wanted." Sirius looked smug. "Tell them what you wanted, Mr. Black."  
"Attention."  
"As always," muttered James loud enough to make everyone, except Slouther laugh.  
"Mr. Potter just did the same thing. He made your attention go from Mr. Black and I, to him." James looked appalled, and Sirius looked as though a shard of his dignity had been stolen. "Now, if you see what these two young men can do /without/ using the Curse, imagine what a person can do /with/ the Curse..." He left them hanging, even once he had dismissed them, and it didn't seem like the lesson ended there.

* * *

**N/A**: i just remembered one other thing, you may have noticed that i am not naming all my chapters. here's my explanation: some of the chapters' names just come to me, and some of them i cant think of. if you can think of a name for a chapter that does not already have a name, leave ideas in the review that I'm sure you will write ;) thanks


	7. Chapter 6

**N/A:** so im not the happiest person right now. a person with whom i was acquainted has been bullied really badly and she tried to kill herself. this fueled a bit of this chapter. there's not much plot but i think all the plot that ISNT in this chapter shall be in the next chapter, but dont quote me on that. **katy r:** glad you liked it and here's the next chapter, this one as i said had something to really fuel it, so it went up faster than they usually will. i havent even started the next chapter :/ **natalie:** please dont rush me dear, i understand that you want more of it (not really, i dont know how you people like my writing) but it takes time. i havent even gotten to the suspenseful parts. you'll hate me then. but keep in mind that i once read a fanfic that took SIX YEARS to finish. alright. SIX YEARS. its not a fast thing. well, thanks for reading it.

**disclaimer:** Jo is amazing and im not, therefore, this is 99.99999999% hers :P

* * *

Chapter 6 The Teacher

(Lily)  
"Whoa." Exclaimed Rachel Trevino as they sat down for lunch.  
"You have Slouther's class just now?" Asked Allison Archter, one of Lily's friends with whom they were sitting.  
"Yeah..." Her voice was still awed. Lily was making a pointed effort to not look at Rachel. But when she did there was always a sardonic smile on Lily's face.  
Lily, Allison, Alice, Kate (another one of their friends) and Rachel were all in deep conversation about Slouther when James came up to them and Lily felt that choking feeling again. "Might I steal Rachel from you lovely ladies for a moment?" He asked politely, sending Lily a wink. Her palms were clammy. Why didn't he wink at Alice or anyone else? Well, it was proof that James was back to his normal, cocky, self. Alice and Kate shooed them away, laughing. Lily just looked sour. "I don't know why you never dated him..." Kate sighed with envy. Kate had a bit of a crush on James, but so did everyone in the school.  
"Honestly... Just look at him." Alice contributed.  
"I will admit he's eye candy, but he's such an ASS. And a player. And just rude." Lily sniffed with loftiness.  
"Was that rudeness when he asked if he could talk to Rachel?" Allison questioned. Lily thought that if it had been before their kind of kiss, James would've sat right down, but she wasn't going to say that so she just concluded with a weak, "That was a once in a life-time thing."

But it happened every day at lunch for the next week. "I think they're up to something." Kate said curiously. "Every day at lunch James asks to talk to Rachel alone. There HAS to be something going on." Lily didn't want to know. She was afraid of what it might be. She was a Gryffindor and she was afraid. She snorted.  
"What is it, Lily?" Allison said.  
"Why am I in Gryffindor?" Lily asked, honestly wondering why the Sorting Hat had put her in this house, all those years ago.  
"You can be so stubborn and crazy brave when you put your mind to it." Kate answered, then whispered, "Talk to me later." Out of all her friends, Marlene McKinnon, Kate Shepperd and Alice Prewett were the ones Lily trusted the most. Unfortunately Marlene was not available 24/7 even though, if Lily had to choose whom to tell a secret to, it would be her. So they finished their meal, talking about the upcoming Quidditch tryouts. They all headed to their next classes, but Professor Slouther stopped Lily. "Ms. Evans?"  
"Yes?"  
"Can I talk to you about your test for a moment?"  
"Of course." She told her friends to go on. "Yes, sir?"  
"Most of your answers were straight from the book quotes. While I did not take points off for it, I might start doing it occasionally. You should learn the technical application and stop quoting the book." Lily didn't know what to say. This was unexpected.  
"Of course, sir. I will work on fixing that." She wasn't quiet sure what else to say.

* * *

(Alice)  
"Lily! Lily! Snap out of it! Lily wake up!" She was on the floor of the Charms classroom. Alice was shaking her shoulders. Lily's eyes were glazed with unshed tears, yet again. "Professor?" Alice was trying to get the attention of their Charms professor who was busy trying to get everyone to calm down since Lily had fainted. "Yes Ms. Prewett?"  
"I think I should take her to the Hospital Wing, if that's okay with you." Alice was sugar-coating her voice.  
"Yes, yes. Of course. Just get her taken care of." Professor Nikols was small and thin, which always made everyone treat him as a bit of a joke.  
"Thank you, sir." She threw Lily's arm around her then whispered, "Lily you have to help me out here. Just a little, come on, you can do it."  
"I'm trying." Her voice was drowsy and you could hear the pain in it even if you weren't listening closely. Alice had practically carried Lily all the way when they ran into Frank, Alice's crush. "Oh!"  
"Alice! What are you doing?"  
"Carrying Lily to the Hospital Wing." She was blushing red.  
"Let me help you." He took Lily from Alice and scooped her (Lily) into his arms and really did carry her the rest of the way. "Frank?"  
"Mhm?"  
"Why aren't you in class?"  
"Err... Well..." Fortunately for Frank, Madam Pomfrey, the pretty young witch who was the nurse at Hogwarts, decided that moment to walk out of the Hospital Wing.  
"What on earth are you three doing here during class hours?" She screeched. Alice whispered (so that Lily could not object), "Lily hasn't slept well for at least a week and when she really tries, she has nightmares. Could you give her some of the dreamless sleep potion?" Madam Pomfrey looked suspicious so she asked, "Why are you here NOW, though?"  
"She fell asleep in Charms and when she fell of her chair she started screaming so Professor Nikols told me to bring her here."  
"Very well. You might as well bring her in here." She sighed tiredly. "Just put her on an empty bed," Madam Pomfrey said as she rushed to get her dreamless sleep potion. They put her down gently and decided there was not much else to do. "I'm going to head back to the Common Room now; I don't think I could sit through another class." Alice sighed.  
"I'll go with you. I wasn't really doing anything anyways." Frank offered.  
"All right," Alice said, blushing. By the time they were right in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady they were laughing all their troubles away. They stood outside the room because they knew if they went in they might have to return to reality. "So... Why weren't you in class, Frank?"  
"I... Well, I was told by a pretty reliable source that there was something I should look for." Frank was being vague and Alice was getting a bit annoyed.  
"Frank, if you don't want to tell me it's okay. I was just curious."  
"No no no! It's not like that! It's just that... Well... I don't know how to put it..." Alice noticed that they were standing quiet close to each other now. Their faces were mere inches apart. She blushed a violent scarlet. But Frank didn't care. He reached up to brush back a stray strand of Alice's hair away. He was leaning closer. "Oh Merlin... Frank is going to kiss me..." Alice thought to herself. As soon and his lips brushed hers, they heard a shriek come from inside the Common Room. The Fat Lady swung open without waiting for a password (that woman was going to get in trouble one day...). Frank and Alice rushed inside to see a distraught Rachel Trevino staring, horrified, at her friend, Elizabeth Fredrik. Alice's eyes move cautiously to Lizzy, as they called Elizabeth. She was a bit scared to see what awaited her. She was right to. Blood was gushing from her wrist. Bright and... Well, blood red. It was horrifying. Alice almost threw up, but Frank was perfect, as always. He knelt by Lizzy and took her other wrist in his hand feeling for a pulse. His face went ashen as he dropped her hand. He mutely shook his head. Alice really felt like throwing up. But she didn't, for the sake of Rachel. "Rach... Come here..." But Rachel couldn't move. She was paralyzed, her mouth agape, staring (without seeing) at her friend who had killed herself.

* * *

(Rachel)  
Rachel screamed as she walked into the Common Room. A sight she had definitely not expected awaited her. Lizzy had all but drowned in her blood. Her right wrist was slashed. Rachel fell to the ground, terrified. What was she supposed to do now? Her best friend had gone. How was she supposed to keep going? Who was she going to tell all her fantasies about James to? Who would lean on her shoulder, crying, needing comfort Rachel could give? Lizzy was gone. This was all she could comprehend as Frank and Alice burst into the room. She barely noticed that Alice had turned a nasty shade of green. She barely saw Frank search frantically for a pulse. She knew it was useless. Lizzy was gone. Even as Alice pulled her close, she couldn't really move. She couldn't stop staring at the horrifying sight before her. No matter how much she wanted to, her eyes wouldn't move. "Lizzy." Was all Rachel said. No more, no less. Alice moved to her friend's side and held her close, brushing her hair. Rachel didn't hug her back. She didn't cry. She didn't know what to feel. Her best friend had just killed herself. How could she have left her? Lizzy would be so alone in Heaven. Rachel knew that even though some people say that those who kill themselves go to Hell, the sweet, innocent, carefree, loving, beautiful, and kind Lizzy would be happy in Heaven. She could make friends. Friends who weren't Rachel. As this thought passed through Rachel's mind, she lost it. She hadn't cried until then but at that point she began to cry and couldn't stop. Her body was heaving with the tears that had been waiting to get out. Her make-up was smearing, but she didn't care anymore. The only thing that matter was that Lizzy was alone and Rachel was alone. Lizzy could make new friends, but Rachel was stuck with the same people that already did not like her. This caused Rachel to sob even more. "Shh... Shh..." She heard Alice whisper. "It's going to be okay." And now Rachel blew up.  
"No Alice! It's not going to be okay! First of all we all know that my boyfriend is still in love with Lily! But that doesn't matter right now! My best friend just killed herself! And she didn't even leave a note! She didn't tell me what do to without her! She was the only one I really had. Through everything..." She had fallen back against the wall in agony. She begun to cry again, because really, what else can you do when your best friend just killed themselves and you didn't even know anything was wrong? What was there left to do when your best friend was left alone? Even if she was in Heaven, she was alone at this moment. And so was Rachel. So she did all she could do at that moment. She cried and cried. And she went to her dorm and continued to cry. She cried herself to sleep and that night she had nightmares about blood and people she loved dying. She saw each one of them dropping dead, their right wrist slashed. She woke up crying. She couldn't go back to sleep. She just stayed awake all night crying.

* * *

(Lily)  
*italics* "You are so STUPID, Evans! When will you get that I DON'T LIKE YOU?" Lily had tried time and time again to get into that circle of James' and yet every time he just pushed me away.  
"James don't- don't say that." She pulled his arm to make him face her.  
"I can't tell you something I don't mean, Evans. I can't tell you I want to go out with you, because I DON'T." He turned and left her alone in the hall. She felt her knees buckle and she was sitting with her head between her knees and sobbing uncontrollably before she knew it.

* * *

She heard Alice yelling at her to wake her up and she was more than willing to accept reality, which was always better than her nightmares. "Lily! Snap out of it!" She heard Alice yell. Lily was awake but all her bones felt like lead. She couldn't move. "Lily you have to help me out here. Just a little, come on, you can do it." Alice heaved her onto her shoulder and begun to walk. Lily was doing her best to try and walk but she wasn't getting anywhere. "I'm trying." Her voice was tired and weak. She /was/ trying to walk, but her nightmare had left her weakened. Lily almost laughed at herself for being so stuck on something so vain, but she was so sore she decided against that. Suddenly Frank Longbottom was by Alice's side. They said some things to each other but Lily didn't hear and was quite surprised when he decided to carry her the rest of the way to the Infirmary. Alice said something to Madam Pomfrey and after a little conversation Frank carried Lily into the hospital and placed her lightly on the bed, when they saw that she wasn't going to talk, they left. "Go get 'im, Alice." Lily thought to herself weakly. When Madam Pomfrey returned with the dreamless sleep potion, Lily was very nearly asleep. "Good heavens, Ms. Evans! Whatever was your nightmare about?!" Madam Pomfrey explained when she saw how horrible Lily really looked.  
"Don't wanna say..." Lily mumbled.  
"Very well..." She looked a bit dissatisfied. "Just drink the potion and try not to fight the sleep. It might keep you asleep for a while." Madam Pomfrey instructed Lily. "But it looks like you need it..." She murmured to herself as Lily drank the purple potion. Lily immediately began to feel drowsy. "Thanks Madam Pomfrey..." She whispered before falling into a dreamless sleep she desperately needed.

**A/N (another note):** this had so much suspense, right? *sarcasm* the next SHOULD have more, but no promises. thanks for reading 3


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: Sirius is not a player in Quidditch. Someone who left a review wanted to know what happened to make Lizzy kill herself. Well, here: you will find out. ;) I know, that's mean, but I wont tell you! Mwahahahaha. Cookies to all who left reviews! If anyone wants to know anything about WHAT HAS HAPPENED SO FAR, not future events, LEAVE A REVIEW!

Disclaimer: JKR is an owns a large majority of this.

* * *

Chapter 7

(Lily)  
It had been about two months since she had last had a really bad nightmare, Lily reflected as she sat in her Head Girl's dorm getting ready to go down to the Quidditch pitch for the game. It seemed as though within weeks of Lizzy's suicide, everything and everyone had gone back to normal. Everyone except Rachel. Lily sat back and thought about how Rachel was doing. The only person she was willing to talk to was James. Lily sighed. They seemed closer than before. Lily was beginning to accept that James wasn't going to break up with Rach. It still struck her like a knife every time she saw them holding hands or hugging. They didn't snog in public anymore, which was weird, but even though they didn't display their usual way of affection, everyone knew they were more attached to each other than before Lizzy's suicide. Lily wrapped her scarf around her neck (it was the end of October and getting cold) and headed downstairs. Her friends (Alice, Kate, and Allison) were already in the Common Room waiting for her. "We all ready?" Asked Allison.

"Yep," they all chorused and headed outside.

"Guys?" Lily began.

"Mhm?" Alice swung her arm around Lily.

"How did everyone move on from one of our friends committing suicide so fast?" Everyone was completely silent. You could've heard a pin drop, even into the soggy grass.

"Lily..." Kate tried to explain, "When someone dies, we can't stay hung up on them-"

"But she committed suicide!" Lily exclaimed.

"Every death does not go unnoticed." Allison started, "Every death means something and we don't forget them. We don't ever forget. None of us do, but we can't stay stuck on these things. Everyone dies at some point. If we all get hung up on all of the deaths of people we know, especially right now, we would all be depressed all the time."

"But she was one of our classmates!" Lily continued protesting.

"Lily we can talk about this later, we have a Quidditch game to go to now." Alice hooked her arm through Lily's as they neared the pitch. Everyone was ready for the Hufflepuff - Gryffindor game, even though everyone knew Gryffindor was going to win again. How could they NOT? After all they had the two best players in the school. James Potter and Sirius Black. As long as they were together, they were practically invincible. Lily could hear the crowds roaring even though the game hadn't officially started yet. She found her usual seat and started cheering along with the rest of the crowd. Her heart wasn't in it, though. Not even when Madam Leann introduced the Captains. Her heart sped up at the sight of James in his gorgeous Quidditch outfit but she didn't cheer any more forcefully. The game began brilliantly, the seekers were orbiting the pitch as usual and the chasers were practically wrestling. Lily cheered every time a Gryffindor chaser made a goal (particularly loud if it was James).

* * *

(James)  
"Guys come on! We may only be playing Hufflepuff but if we don't do REALLY good, we could be in danger of losing the cup!" He knew everyone was rolling their eyes at him but he didn't care. He wanted to play professional Quidditch (before he would have to retire from that, at which point he intended to become an Auror). He sighed. He knew his teammates were more than ready, but he couldn't help but worry. What if they did bad? His entire Quidditch career might depend on this game, depending which scouts were there. He began pacing. Sirius came up and slapped his shoulder, "We can do it, mate. You put together a brilliant team this year and there's no way we could loose."

"Thanks." James responded weakly.

"Let's go get 'em." One of the other chasers, a muggleborn 4th year by the name of Connor Pikes (who was a brilliant player), said. James strongly suspected this was a muggle saying because the entire team stared at him funny. He blushed; being the second youngest on the team made him a little shy.

James walked out first, being the captain, when Madam Leann called his name. The rest of his team followed shortly. He shook hands with the Hufflepuff captain, a good-looking girl and winked his famous Potter wink. Before he knew it Madam Leann had blown the whistle and they were off. James had long since learned to tune out the commentary and screams from the crowd. He just flew from side to side chasing (but usually in possession of) the quaffle. Suddenly he was jerked to reality as he heard his teammate, Pikes, yell out, "James watch out!" James swiveled his head around as fast as he could and was shocked to see a Bludger coming right at him. His eyes widened and his Chaser reflexes went into overdrive. Quicker than you could say 'Quidditch,' James threw the Quaffle to the nearest Chaser, Rose Bauer, and she caught it, but the entire Quidditch pitch has seemed to slow down as the Quaffle rushed towards James. He made the split-second decision to turn over on his broom. So he did. James Potter was hanging upside down on his broom. And of course the Bludger missed him and kept going. This had occurred within mere seconds, yet the entire 'James Potter fan club' was going mad. He smiled and waved at everyone in the stands, but a mane of red hair stood out. Lily Evans. And for a moment, James was completely stationary in the air. He looked her in the eyes and she looked right back at him, her eyes burning with something that definitely wasn't hate. He thought it was admiration. It couldn't have been anything else. Too soon, Alice pointed at something and Lily looked away, but that look stayed with James. The rest of the game passed without much event. Of course Gryffindor won. Their Seeker, Brooke Delacraux, had caught the Snitch magnificently, right under the other Seeker's nose (almost literally). Everyone knew Gryffindor would be hosting their traditional party (invite only, unless you were a Gryffindor). So everyone in the stands began to leave the pitch. But James' friends stayed behind as he did his usual tradition of flying the length of the field 5 times to relax. He was perfect there, zooming back and forth. He felt as though he were forever. He has his friends and that was everything he could've asked for.

James laughed with his friends as they hurried off to the party that had surely already begun in the Gryffindor common room. His friends were talking about all of the excellent moves that had occurred in the game, but his mind was elsewhere. James was thinking about that look Lily had sent him. His friends had dismissed it as James' wishful thinking, but James knew better. He knew there had been a spark of admiration and maybe even love in her eyes. Even if it had been for half a second, it made him feel all warm and fuzzy and happy on the cold walk back to the castle. By the time they were in the Gryffindor Common Room James had all but forgotten Rachel. So when she ran over to him, screaming "Jamsie!" He didn't quite comprehend it for a moment. She wrapped him in a hug with her tiny arms. He leaned down and planted a delicate yet passionate kiss on her lips. As he pulled away he saw (in the corner of his eye) Lily dash out of the Common Room, her head bowed down. He didn't pay attention to her though. He partied on until the party was almost over. Well, if by party James meant publicly snog his girlfriend for a really long time, then he partied that way for quite a while. Lily did not return to the Common Room.

* * *

(Lily)  
She was going to talk to James about how good he'd done out there, but didn't get a chance to before Rachel ran into him and they began to snog. "How the hell did she get in here anyways?" Lily wondered to herself before realizing that James was snogging his girlfriend. In public. This hadn't been done in about 2 months! That familiar feeling of jealousy hit her like a train coming at full-speed. Before she knew it, her eyes were brimming with tears. She ran out of the room, not quite knowing where she was going, just knowing she had to get out. She ran to an empty classroom and just sobbed. When she was about to go back, an owl stopped her, it was pecking the window trying to get Lily's attention. She sighed, but went to retrieve the letter anyways. The envelope read "_From Petunia_." Lily almost had a heart attack. Petunia NEVER gave her anything, much less sent her a letter by owl post. Lily tore open the letter:

_Lily,  
I hate having to use this method of communication. It is horrible, just like you. But that's not what I needed to tell you. Mum got in a car wreck and now she's in a coma. The doctors don't know when or if she will wake up, or at least, they didn't tell me anything. I know you may not believe me, because I've said many horrible things to you, but you MUST believe me this time. Tell your Headmaster and he might be able to let you visit, but don't come on a weekend. Those are mine and I don't want to run into you._

_Petunia_

Lily slid down a wall, her mouth in a little "O." She didn't know how long she sat there like that, the letter in her hands. Her brain would not, COULD not, process the fact that her mum was practically dead, that she might not wake up. She couldn't be in a coma. Her mum was the only decent family member she had left; she couldn't go. Lily remembered when the doctors had told her father that he had lung cancer and that he should stop smoking. He did. It slowed the cancer, but there was no way to stop it. Within a year he was dead. That was 5 years ago. It was also the year Lily had had her rebellious phase. She had smoked in defiance of authority, she'd gotten high multiple times, she'd died her hair black, she'd dated a guy 6 years older than her. She shuddered. A twelve year old dating an 18 year old. Ew. Admittedly, he was very nice but when he started having his "man urges" (as Lily called them) she started to become a little wary. Still, she had gone out with him for the whole summer. She'd almost OD'd on opium a couple times, she had even tried to commit suicide. She even remembered yelling at her mum one day, "I'm not going back!" To Hogwarts, is what she meant. She really almost hadn't. But the day before the train left, her mum had come into Lily's room and had found her laying on the bed smoking, again. She had sighed and taken the cigarette from Lily, though Lily protested a fair bit. "Lily! What would your father do if he saw you doing all this to yourself?" Lily remembered that day as though it was yesterday. Lily hadn't responded to her mother. "Lily... We all know why you're doing this. It's to cope with the pain of losing him. And I don't mean to sound like a therapist or something, you know that's not how I am, but this is different. You know what your father would've done? He would've snuck in here one day when you were out and he would've thrown all of it away."

"Then he would've yelled and screamed," Lily muttered under her breath, but her mum heard. And she sighed.

"Maybe, but that's okay. It would mean that he was here..." She trailed off. Lily remembered that feeling of guilt, of regret, and she remembered the tears that came next. She remembered that she had cried with her mum for a long time. When they were done crying, they had gathered all the bad things around Lily's room and thrown them in a bag. Then they went to throw it in a dumpster. Lily was still sniffling when she had looked at her horrifying hair and she had said, "Oh my god. I can't go to school with my hair like this!" And her mum started crying all over again, and so did Lily. When they got home they bleached her hair. It wasn't the same orange, but it was close. Lily remembered all that her mum had helped her through and realized that if anything like that would happen NOW; she didn't have her mum to go to for help. This sent her into tears, tears that would've made a hurricane look like it was a drop of water. She didn't stop crying for a very long time. Even when she had, she didn't move from that classroom.

* * *

The sun was beginning to shine through the windows when in came a slightly drunk James. Lily was deep in thought, and looked up when he came in, but she didn't move. He stood in front of her. He held out his hand and said, "May I have this dance, Ale?"

"There's no music." She said stupidly.

"So?" He replied and so she took his hand, sniffling a little. They didn't really dance, more like sway in the same spot. Eventually, James went back to being his arrogant self and slid his hand down to Lily's arse. She jumped away. "James you total ARSE!" He looked just a little surprised, but her grief was being turned into anger, at James, so she wasn't about to stop, "IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA WHAT I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH, YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. BUT SINCE YOU DON'T KNOW, I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE ME TO MYSELF and... And..." She was too mentally tired to go on. So she just fell against the wall again and began to cry, again. After all, her mum was practically dead. James sat down next to her. "I'm right here and perfectly willing to listen. I'm not going anywhere even if you hex me into next year." She smiled weakly. "I'm going to stay right next to you for whatever you need, Lily." He put an arm around her shoulder. She stiffened but after a few moments had past and James hadn't tried anything clever, she began to relax into him. She remembered her nightmares, the ones she hadn't had in a few weeks, and had to ask, "You would never hurt me, right?" Lily sniffled, her eyes getting moist.

"Never." He pulled her closer. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her teary face in his warm chest. There was a nagging feeling of guilt because Lily knew James was with Rach, but Lily couldn't let go right then, so she held on tighter.

* * *

(Professor Slouther)  
"What to do? What to do?" He muttered to himself, digging through his desk. He was looking from a piece of paper with a secret (for lack of a better word) location on it. If anyone saw it, Slouther would have to kill them. Right now Slouther couldn't find it and he was getting more and more angry by the minute. He threw some of the papers into the air. There was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" He used his most diplomatic voice even though he was organizing everything as fast as he could.

"A friend." The voice said. Slouther could distinguish that it was a female, but didn't know who it was.

"How do I know that?" He was almost done setting everything back in order. The woman outside laughed a cold, high-pitched, mirthless laugh. Slouther's head snapped up. He knew who it was. He moved to the door slowly and opened it with great caution. Outside it, he found the Dark Lord's favorite Death Eater, Bellatrix Lestrange.


	9. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

**A/N:** I'm sure you all hate me because it has been ages since I last uploaded. There are a couple reasons. Towards the end of 2012 I had LOADS of orchestra rehearsal and homework and studying for finals and what not. But there has been so much time between then and now. You must be wondering "Why hasn't she uploaded?!" Well, I have been so completely brain dead that I wrote a poem about needing a muse. Said poem does not even have an ending. I need inspiration so if you guys have anything to help, please tell me! this chapter is short and doesn't have a cliffhanger ending. As I said earlier, I am super brain dead, so unless I am hit with a burst of inspiration, don't expect a new chapter for a while.

**oh another note,** I am guessing at Lucius and Narcissa's ages. They are probably not what is canon but its most likely not too different. There are a few things in this chapter that most likely aren't canon.

**Disclaimer:** i dont own potter. at all. some of these are OC's and some (most, i think) are Jo's.

* * *

(Slouther)

"Bellatrix, what are you doing here?" Slouther asked, without letting her in.

"I'll tell you if you let me in." Slouther knew she would keep true to her words so he opened the door to his office. She made herself comfortable.

"So, Lestrange, what of the Dark Lord have you heard." He was losing the amenities.

"I don't have to HEAR anything, I am told everything of the Dark Lord's plans." She sniffed.

"Why, then are you here? To boast?"

"I am here to tell you the Dark Lord requires further assistance and wishes to meet with you soon."

"And when does he require this meeting?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight?!"

"Yes. We must leave promptly. We should go now."

"Must I prepare anything?"

"No. Lets go!" She held out her arm.

"We cannot Apparate within Hogwarts grounds."

"I know that. It was not very long ago that I, myself was a student here."

"Then where are we going?"

"Hogsmeade of course."

"Very well. Lets go." So off they went. They passed all the bars and joke shops. They passed all the buildings and were out on their way to the Shrieking Shack when Bellatrix held her arm out again and Slouther prepared himself for that horrid feeling of Apparition. He took her arm and felt all the air being sucked from his lungs, but, as usual, it was gone as fast as it had started. It was darker than it had been in Hogsmeade. They both lit their wands and Slouther followed Bellatrix. She hurried along the street. They were in a Muggle town. The houses were of a normal size when Slouther peeked into them. "Where are we?"

"On our way to Malfoy Manor." Bellatrix replied promptly, "Now shut up and walk." So he walked. Soon enough they came to enormous wrought iron gates with bush walls on either side. Bellatrix pulled out her wand, tapped the lock on the gate twice and whispered something to it. Slouther could hear the locks and spells unwinding and before he knew it, the gates were open and they were walking into the splendid, dark house. Narcissa Malfoy was at the door; the poor girl was a mere 18 and had already been married to Lucius Malfoy, who was also still a mere boy of 20. They were already a part of this terrible movement. "Ah. Slouther." The Dark Lord whispered from the head of the long table. "How nice of you to join us." He spoke quietly but his voice carried out. Slouther bowed his head slightly and sat at the end of the table. "My Lord. Why have I been summoned today?"

"Our forces require recruits." The Dark Lord said.

"And I suppose you are indirectly asking me-" Slouther began.

"I am not indirectly asking you anything. If you would permit me to finish what I had begun to say, you would hear that I am asking you to begin making efforts to gather student recruits." As Voldemort spoke, the entire room went completely silent. Once again, Slouther bowed his head slightly and said, "Yes my Lord."

"Now give me ideas on how you will gather students for our movement."

* * *

(Lily)  
Lily had fallen asleep... and now the sun was blaring on her. Her head was still on James' shoulder and he had an arm around her. Lily didn't think he was awake yet. She heard the door slam open. "James!" She heard the furious voice of Rachel Trevino scream, "Where the hell are you?" She yelled out. But James was asleep and Lily couldn't wiggle out from under his arm. Rachel stopped dead when she saw them.

"James?..." She said almost disbelievingly, "JAMES YOU ARSE!" And with that James was awake. He jerked his hand away from Lily. "No. I-no!" He was at a loss for words. Lily began inching away but Rachel saw her. "YOU! Stay right there! What the HELL were you two doing up here?!"

"We-" Lily began trying to explain.

"I don't want to hear ANYTHING from you!" Rachel yelled at her. "James! YOU! Explain yourself!" She was practically seething at the mouth.

"I didn't mean to find her." James started and Rachel scoffed. "I stumbled but here and I was drunk and she was crying-"

"Oh she was a 'damsel in distress' then? We all know how you like to be her knight in shining armour." Rachel's voice was dripping with disdain.

"It's not like that!" James tried again.

"Her mum is in a coma and those Muggle 'doctors' can't do anything!"

"That's not my problem right now!" Rachel yelled. Lily had now had enough. For the last few minutes she'd been quiet, but that was the last straw.

"Not your problem?" She said quietly. "Do you HEAR the words coming out of your mouth?" As Lily spoke, each word was another level louder than the last. "Rachel, I've been friends with you for 4 years now and you've met my mum. Fine, it really isn't your problem, but put yourself in James' shoes. He JUST got over me and might still be a little confused about his emotions towards me." Rachel looked a bit taken aback, but Lily chugged on. "He likes YOU now. But right now that's not the point. Put it aside for FIVE MINUTES. He was drunk and he found me crying. If you were him and had found the girl you had previously liked for the past 6 years crying, what would you have done? You would've tried comforting her, right?" Rachel made a sort of strangled noise. "I suppose..."

"There you have it. As for why he was asleep just now, he was drunk when he found me, of course he would've fallen asleep." James shot her a look that clearly said, "THANK YOU." She nodded slightly.

"Fine..." Sighed Rachel, "Let's go, James and get you washed up." When they were by the door Rachel turned around and said, "Lily, I'm sorry about what I said about your mum earlier."

"Don't worry about it." Lily sat down, rubbing her head. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

(James)

After a day of Rachel biting his head off about him and Lily, James just needed a smoke. So at about 4 in the afternoon he headed to the Quidditch pitch to try and relax like that but after an hour of soaring aimlessly, he packed up and headed over to the old oak tree that the Marauders sat at and pulled out a fag. He sat there for a while, staring at the clouds and trying to give them names and decide what they looked like. After about an hour of just sitting there, he heard some rustling off to his left. His head snapped up but to his surprise it was just Lily. "Lily!" He exclaimed.

"James!" She responded, kicking him lightly. He smiled and pointed to the grass next to him. She sat down. They sat like that for a while until James was polite enough to offer Lily a smoke. He held out the half-finished (his third) cigarette and to his surprise she took it and inhaled. She didn't cough. He stared.

"What?" She asked, noticing that he was staring.

"Everyone coughs the first time they inhale cig smoke." He answered.

"This isn't my first smoke, James..." She admitted quietly.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"It was a rebellious period I had. It's nothing." She looked pointedly away and James thought he heard her sniffle.

"Hey." He said, sitting up so he could face her, "It doesn't sound like nothing. Please tell me?"

"The summer my dad died, I was heartbroken. It was terrible. I smoked, I had gotten high multiple times, I died my hair black, I dated a guy 6 years older than me. Ew, I was 12. Admittedly, he was very nice but when he started having his "man urges" " James laughed there, "I became a little wary. Still, I had gone out with him for the whole summer. I almost OD'd on opium a couple of times, I even tried to commit suicide. I think the worse day was when I told my mum I wasn't going back to Hogwarts. I can't even think of that now. Hogwarts is my home."

"Well, you're okay now, right?" He asked gently.

"Yes of course..." She responded and then they just sat there in silence.

"How'd he die?" James asked tentatively. Lily stood up and brushed the grass off her skirt. She took a few steps away and when she turned around there was a bit of a smirk on her face, "Lung cancer." She walked away.


End file.
